I consider Obama to be my oracle on climate change. Nobody has easier access to a larger number of climate scientists than Obama. So by golly, I figure he knows far more about climate than I ever will.
This frees me from having to study the issue myself. I can maximize my efficiency simply by watching Obama and attempting do do whatever he personally does to address climate change.
And what has Obama been doing?
Well, Obama has apparently decided that flying around to meet his friends and colleagues in a huge fuel-sucking jet is far more important than reducing his carbon footprint. And it’s also very important for Obama to take his family and his secret service entourage and his fleet of limos and secret service armored SUVs and all his favorite beach toys to Hawaii for frequent long relaxing vacations.
Wow, I’ll be thrilled to make these same kinds of contributions to the fight against global warming! Pardon me while I briefly interrupt this post so I can book a few airline tickets on Expedia. <<clock ticking>> Okay, I’m back now, poorer, but excited about my upcoming vacation plans!
Gosh, this is fun! Now let’s see what else is Obama doing about climate change!
Well, he is personally authorizing the expenditure of billions of dollars to burn the billions of gallons of fuel necessary for him to continue his invasion and hostile occupation of foreign nations, and to murder various civilians who happen to get in his way by, for example, attending weddings.
And what is his rationale for dumping billions of tons of carbon into the atmosphere in order to pursue these noxious activities? Security!
So what do we learn from this? We learn that Obama, after having received unlimited advice from the world’s finest climate scientists, has decided it is a good idea to dump billions of tons of extra greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere, as long as it will make a fraction of voting Americans feel more secure. Okay! Lesson learned!
I am an American, and I would certainly enjoy feeling more secure. I happen to know that I am millions of times more likely to be injured or killed in an auto accident than by a terrorist. I can therefore improve my personal security tremendously simply by purchasing and driving the largest, heaviest SUV I can possibly afford. Okay! Consider it done!
I am simply glowing all over with pride. Although I am just an insignificant private individual who cannot hope to do more than a tiny fraction of the things Obama has been doing about greenhouse gasses, I can still do something – and I will!
I must cut this post short now, because it’s time for me to hop into my gigantic SUV and dash off to the airport. I don’t want to miss my flight to Monaco. The entire planet’s climate is depending on me!